i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
