Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Oh god it's open bar.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
