direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
