Im at strip club and am horny
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
