Who did Billy Mays play for?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
