Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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