She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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