Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
