Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
