Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
