what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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