Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
