i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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