am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize