I can't watch pbs sober anymore
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
