The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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