He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
