Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(678): View more from Georgia

I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.

Fav 11 3104 1800
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?

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(815): View more from Illinois

I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.

Fav 6 2036 1411
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(616): View more from Michigan

I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??

Fav 18 2134 707
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(734): View more from Michigan

my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW

Fav 4 1173 742
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(802): View more from Vermont

We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party

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(504): View more from Louisiana

You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.

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