Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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