member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
