Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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