I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
