i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
