I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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