Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dicks are not precious.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
