I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
