Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize