Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
