We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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