I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
