If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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