She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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