Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
