Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
