I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
