Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
