you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
