she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
