I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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