I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
