Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
