i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think a kid would responsible me up
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
