My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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