Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
