Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
