i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
