I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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