I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize