no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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