my phone cant type all the emotion im having
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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