My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
