I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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