I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
