Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
