no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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