I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
