worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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