I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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