The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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