I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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