Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
