i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Rumble strips road head = magical
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
