The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
