Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
