I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
