Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
