my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
