I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
