And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
