Is it normal to miss your booty call?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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