can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
