So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
