We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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