it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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