and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
