I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
