My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
