We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You dont lie about slip and slides
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
