I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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